I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
