I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
