Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
