hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
