It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
