Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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