I need help removing her.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
