i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
