let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
