My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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