I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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