i jhust puked up my retainher.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
