My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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