Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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