its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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