I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
