Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
