girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
