Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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