i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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