I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
