I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
