Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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