allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
