Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
