College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
