Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My bed smells like the plague
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
