why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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