do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
