I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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