i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
