maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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