The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
