I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
