just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
