Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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