Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
