OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
His nipple licking is glorious
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