Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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