I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
birth control should be required to get into college
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
