so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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