i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
