hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
