I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
