I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
