Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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