Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
