I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
