how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
