We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
