Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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